human cheezit is live-tweeting diplomacy and tariffs from a Florida Cheesecake Factory with secret service eyerolling hard enough to generate a Higgs boson

Laura "9/11 was an inside job and also I’m an Uber critic" Loomer walking into the White House like she's handing out pink slips at a MAGA bake sale.

(imagine getting fired from the NSA because a woman who live-tweeted herself getting banned from Twitter decided your vibes were off. not because you leaked something, not even because you did something... because you weren't vibing hard enough with the "immigrants are eating the pets" caucus)

elon, who is now macrodosing ketamine, spent the Mar-a-Lago strategy dinner balancing a fork and two spoons on his finger like a dissociating toddler. his date, and fourth baby-mama (not to ick a yum), watched him like he was bending space-time

meanwhile canada, literal canada, is out here doing realpolitik with a moose and vibes

we are not a country, we are a "choose your own collapse" ARG with lag spikes

#VibeCheckSecurityClearance
#KetDiplomacy
#BananaRepublicButMakeItFlorida